gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
