somebody snuck up and got me drunk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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