My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
