a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
