Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
