I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
