i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone came in the potted fern
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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