Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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