I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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