you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
