OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My dick has a subreddit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
