just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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