I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In other news, I just burned my penis
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
