In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
