Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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