I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
