i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
