he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
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Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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