What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
