so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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