my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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