There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
