Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
