should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
