I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
