Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
