Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
