also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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