Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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