Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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