The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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