What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
