His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
