i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
