Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
