Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
