he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
