I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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