Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
