I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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