this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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