he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
