I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
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The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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