You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
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They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You ruined the universe
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