just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
