The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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