Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
