she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
