Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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