i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
