Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
