What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
