honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
