with your own penis?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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