Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
