what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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