If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
