yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
