Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
