i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize