He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
