Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
