..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize