I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
