he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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