just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
