so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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