How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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