Soap is not a condiment
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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