she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
