actually, I'm a sock model
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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