i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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