Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
