Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
