I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
