Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
