Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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