she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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