just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
