Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
