I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
