I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
